‘I was very, very fit’

Before covid, my health was excellent. I had so much energy and commitment and sense of self and agency.  I was very, very fit. In fact, I was fitter in that period than I've been for a long time.

‘In a bad place’

After covid, I was physically and mentally in a bad place. The medics weren’t interested. I did start to improve, and then I just stopped feeling well. I think I’d probably done too much exercise. So, I thought, okay, I'll leave it and wait and rest. Do less exercise. Just go back to where I was at the beginning. And it didn't seem to make much difference, to be honest. And then, well, it then becomes a vicious circle, doesn't it? Because the less you do, almost like the less you want to do it. And psychologically, it's very damaging.

The long covid clinic: ‘such amazing relief’ 

Then I met the staff at the long covid clinic, and that was just unbelievable, amazing. Because I sat for an hour and a half with them, and they sat, chatting, smiling, understanding, saying all the right things, listening, responding, asking really good, intelligent, thoughtful, empathetic questions.

They said, ‘we've got a long covid recovery programme, and you can do it’. I got back in the car, and I just went, ‘wow.’ I felt such amazing relief. I felt really good. They were so amazingly supportive and empathetic, and validated my feelings and my experience. I thought that if they're doing the course, which they were, it's going to be good. And it was.

It's very interesting, because I can remember that day very clearly, and I can remember how I felt over the next couple of weeks. And my psychological, mental well-being just went straight up.

Breathing exercises: ‘a profound change’

They also taught me deep breathing exercises, diaphragmatic breathing. I started doing it, and it became a habit over the next four weeks. That really made a big difference, that started to affect my physical health quite quickly. It was a very profound change.

‘It taught me how to live well again’

The course started, and it was an absolutely brilliant course. They built a little community feeling. We all shared the same experience, however different we were, we were all the same. The sense of togetherness was amazing. We all had the same feelings of abandonment, of loss, and fear, and anxiety, and ill health, and change, and shame, and guilt, and loss of self.

We did things that reinforced that sense of belonging and hope, by looking at how you could improve and change. We did exercises that got more and more intense as the course went on, so you could feel the change in your body. The staff encouraged you, supported you, validated what you were doing. And then there was the mindfulness and meditation and all these great conversations.

You were always being reminded that good habits make good health, really. Be conscious of the fact that you've got long COVID and it's going to take time, but you will improve. Step by step. And if you don't feel very well one day, don't put pressure on yourself. Just relax. Learn the quality of stillness and activity, and try and achieve a balance in your life. I felt it just taught me how to live well again.

‘I’m more relaxed and at ease’

I'm actually much better than I was before I got covid because I'm much more relaxed. I'm much more at ease with myself and with other people. I've got that sort of stillness and activity in balance. I'm actually feeling better even though I'm not as physically fit as I was at all.

‘I’ve got a sense of self again’

I just feel like life is normal again. And I've now got that ability or consciousness of not overdoing it. If at the end of the day I do feel like I'm more tired than I want to be, I'll take it easy the next day. I've got a real balance back into my life, and I've got a real sense of self again. And if I do start to feel anxious, I can deal with it, and I know how to deal with it.

‘I’m back – I’m doing what I want to do’  

I was a potter, but I stopped doing it a long time ago. I thought I’d lost the muscle memory of how to do things. But when I started to do the long covid clinic course, it all started to come back. There’s a local pottery, so I’ve applied to get a space there, so I can make more stuff and start selling it again. And that’s a huge, huge change for me.

After doing the course I knew who I was again. Just huge confidence, actually. It’s like I’m back, I’m back, I’m doing what I want to do.