A traumatic infection 

I've never felt illness like it. I collapsed, couldn't breathe, didn't know what was going on. My heart rate was through the roof, I was in resus, the doctors didn't know what was going on. They were pumping me with antibiotics and I wasn't recovering. I was in and out of hospital for three months. They put me on inhalers and steroids for my breathing, but then that affected my heart. So then I ended up back in resus because my heart couldn't respond to the drugs.

‘The doctors didn’t know what to do with me’

I felt like the doctors didn't know what to do with me, so they just kept throwing more tablets at me: take this, take that, take this. And I think it got to about five months and I was like, right, enough's enough, the doctors aren't helping.

‘I decided to take control of my own health’

So I think this is when I decided to take control of my own health. I think there's something rewarding about taking stuff into our control. Because when you're doing it for yourself, and can say ‘I've done this and this is helping’, it spurs you on to do more of that. And then it's something positive to focus on.

Diet

I was like, right, where can I look? I went to the recovery stories on Facebook. Diet was a massive thing that always came up. So I was like, what foods cause inflammation? So I went gluten, dairy and sugar free. I did a lot of research around the gut microbiome. I came off all the ultra-processed stuff, went on to kefir, kombucha, sauerkraut, lots of nuts and grains.

The long covid clinic

I did the long covid clinic’s course. It was, “take time, pace yourself”, with a lot of mindfulness and relaxation, which was amazing. And that really helped me reset.

Learning to manage anxiety

The long covid clinic spoke about the different nervous systems, sympathetic and parasympathetic. If I understand it, I feel like I can control it. I used to get quite a lot of panic attacks during this time, but now I can sense when the panic attacks are coming on, I'm like, “right, I know that I'm in fight or flight. How can I bring that down?”

Getting back to exercise

I was scared. I was so breathless. Anytime I became breathless I would panic. The long covid team worked really hard with me – doing little exercises, doing weights, doing a six minute walk. Just reassurance, doing it in a safe environment. I was getting breathless in clinic, but because they put a monitor on you, you could see your heart rate and oxygen levels, and I was like, ‘I’m ok. I’m alright’. Still now, I still do get that panic, I'm like, ‘I can't breathe’. But then I'll calm down and I'm actually fine. I'll keep going. The long COVID clinic really helped with the exercise. And retraining the breathing, that helped massively.

‘Allowing me to grieve’

They brought in a guest speaker who had had long covid. And she said, ‘it's about acceptance and accepting that this is you now.’ So I burst into tears because I thought, ‘I'm not accepting this. I'm getting better. I'm trying so hard.’ But actually this allowed me to grieve. Grief kicked in, but it was a positive, I think, like, ‘I'm not going to get this Gemma back. She doesn't exist anymore.’

‘A different person’

Within about 4 months I was a different person. I was back out of bed, I was back in full time work. I kind of just had it in me like, right, OK, [the GP and consultants] can't look after me. What natural stuff is there? What's going on in my body, because your body, I think, is amazing and can heal can't it?

‘I’m healthier than before I got covid’

So now I'm running 5k, I'm going swimming once a week, and I'm out dog walking. So probably I'm healthier than I was before I got COVID, but in a different way.

‘More enjoyment, just in a different way’

It's finding new enjoyments. I don't drink alcohol anymore. Socially, it’s changed quite a bit. But this gave me the confidence to see other people and actually I don't need to chase that life. You can meet new people and find new interests. When we were out running on Sunday morning, I was like, this is quite free and it's quite nice. It's a new enjoyment. You can see the little goslings and the ducklings out and watch deers and foxes run about.

So I do feel like I've found more enjoyment, just in a different way. And that comes with the acceptance of, I can't do that as much, but there's other things that we can enjoy. Now I'm so much more relaxed than I used to be. My perception of what's important has totally changed.